I think I’ve got the blues. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, I’m just sad. And lonely. And down in the dumps. And those feelings compounded by the holidays and the pressure and being recently dumped are making me sad. Not full on depression sad, but just gloomy.
My family, friends and co-workers have noticed too. They can see something is wrong. I’m not my usual self. I’m feeling despondent. Miserable. Empty.
I don’t know how to deal with these feelings. I’m nearly always in a good mood. Happy-go-lucky. I don’t know how to do depressed.
I miss him. The nights are the worst. When you’re alone in the dark with your thoughts. There’s too much time to think. To let the mind wander. To wish for things you can’t have; you shouldn’t want. But you do. So very badly.
I don’t begrudge anyone their happiness. But the part of me that is selfish wants it too. Perhaps the wanting is what causing me to have to wait. I don’t know.
tl;dr: I’m sad. It’s the holidays and that makes the sadness magnified by a thousand.
I live my life by deadlines. The news is full of them. The midday starts at 11am. The 5pm at 4:59:00, and so forth. My life is dictated by dozens of deadlines daily.
So I think that’s why in the rest of my life I’m a procrastinator. I put things off, despite having the best of intentions. I wanted to have all my Christmas shopping done early this year, but alas, it was not meant to be. As of last night I only had 2 things purchased! Cue a stomachache of panic.
Today, I remedied that situation: I bought my BFF’s their presents, I bought part of my Secret Santa theirs and made headway on the others! Thank you Amazon Prime. I love you. So very much.
The rest of it should be done this weekend and my secret santa will get theirs next week. Success!
I really need to work on this procrastination thing.
Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.
I also have to be honest that your present might run a little late since I am only just heading in to my final week of exams and then have to rush around a bit to reschedule some of the classes I teach myself and get them graduated. Just a heads up so you don't think I bailed on you if you don't have it before Christmas! :)
Good luck on your Finals! And thanks for the heads up! I’m so excited! :)
10. Everyone loves homemade things, what about you? I crochet a lot of cute things, such as bags, pocket books, scarves, hats, and even pet sweaters (can't do people sweaters yet!). If I made you something, would you prefer it be a solid color (such as tiffany blue) or multiple colors (such as tiffany blue and orchid purple, or tiffany blue and brown)? And last one (or, at least, last series of questions!): 11. Do you wear watches? Digital or analog? Fancy or plain? Fabric, metal, or plastic?
10. I do love homemade things! I would be honored if you took the time to make me something! Tiffany Blue is probably my favorite color, so I think I’d like a solid one. 11. I do wear watches: my current one is a silver sparkley Fossil one. Its analog and metal and pretty fancy!
5. I noticed you posted something about having a physical therapy job. Are you allowed to wear pretty things, such as lanyards, bracelets, or "fancy" pins on your name tag? 6. Do you wear earrings? If so, what size earring you wear and is there any kind of earring you can't wear? 7. What kind of music do you like? 8. You said you like playing with puppies. Do you have any animals of your own right now? 8. What are your top two favorite things to cook AND bake? 9. Do you drink tea?
5. I work at a TV station, and I don’t wear a nametag. Sorry! But I can wear pretty pins and things if I want. 6. I do wear earrings. I like all sizes, long dangly ones for nights out, and smaller ones for work too. I’m pretty easy to please there. I can wear any kind. 7. Pop music for life! I also like 80’s pop and 90’s pop. I grew up listening to the oldies—music of the 60’s and 70’s too. 8. My parents have 2 mini dachshunds—Molly and Sophie that I see as often as I can. But no dogs that are my own. :( 8. Top 2 favs to cook and bake: peanut butter cups, and oreo balls and chicken braid and anything with avocado. 9. The only tea I drink would be Chai Tea Lattes.
Hey there! Was not expecting someone so hard to shop for during the Secret Santa event (kidding!) but I am GOING to get you something awesome, so don't worry! I have a few questions to ask so hopefully I can get you something you'll really enjoy, if you don't mind answering them! It might run over in to two asks, though. :) 1. Do you have any scent preference when it comes to candles? 2. Do you like scarves? 3. Do you like scrap booking? 4. Do you enjoy painting your nails?
I’m sorry I’m so hard to shop for Secret Santa! The funny thing is, my friends tell me the same thing! I’m excited! To answer your questions: 1. I like cinnamon, island-type scents, most anything really. Just not a huge fan of floral scents. 2. I do like scarves! 3. Not a scrap booker…not particularly crafty. 4. I rarely paint my nails, too much upkeep! But I like to get pedicures.
Each year, my TV station does a Christmas Promo video. Usually we just stand there, wave and smile. This year, our Promotions lady wrote a story about us tracking Santa Claus. This is the finished product. I’m in the newsroom scene wearing a white and green striped shirt!
So I told you I was going to see Ex Man Friend last night. I’ll admit, I was nervous how it would go. Would it be awkward? I didn’t know. We’ve been texting since a few days after the break up. Not everyday, but here and there. And that’s been fine. So I had high hopes. Let’s do this, bullet point style:
I met up with my bff and 2 mutual friends of hers and ex man friend. Ex man friend told bff that he was going to bring a friend. BFF said that she felt that was because he wanted a buffer, and so that he didn’t try to take me home with him. (who said I would go? Not happening. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times? Then I’m an idiot.)
He made a few awkward comments, but otherwise it was good. Not weird between us at all. When he made one awkward comment, I just made a face at him.
One strange thing he did say, I was saying something about him helping me with a legal issue that I could have (he’s a contract lawyer) and he said, “I’m not your lawyer, you’ve never paid me.” Ok. But if I needed you, I would pay you. Sheesh.
We went to a store to look around, he went ahead of the rest of us, but we ended up walking around the store, chatting. It was nice. He then decided to go see some other friends for a game night. He gave me a one armed hug and said it was great to see me and that he’d see me again on the 15th. (we’re doing the ugly sweater run together.)
We left all together and he and walked together. We chatted and I asked if he was ok—-he said he was. I told him I worry, because I do. We all then parted ways, and he gave me a real hug and reiterated that it was good to see me, and that he’d see me on the 15th. I told him that I was sure I’d harass him before then! He laughed, agreed and left.
So that was our night. It was good. But when bff and I left and went back to her house, I was quiet the whole way. Her husband asked how it went and she said “Melissa is processing things right now.” And its true- I’m still not sure how I felt about the whole night. It was good, but weird. I don’t know. I can’t even put it into words.
I finally got home around 1am, and had a fitful night of sleep. I had strange dreams about blimps and that my family and I were flying a blow up small airplane. That was cool!
I’m heading to work at my PT job now—I need a distraction. I’m still processing and feel strange. I can’t put my finger on it. Does it ever get any easier? I sure hope so.
I’m seeing ex-man friend tonight. I’m going to Omaha to hang out with the friends that introduced us to go to these First Friday events. Its going to be about 2 degrees so that should be fun! But ex-man friend asked me earlier this week (yes, we are still talking-texting really) if he could hang out with us tonight. I said yes.
So of course that means I must look fabulous, despite the cold weather! My hair is coiffed, the ‘war-paint’ is on, I have on my ‘sexy pants!’ I wanna make him weep! Hope I succeed!
With the cold temps I broke out some hot cocoa this afternoon for the Keurig. Mighty tasty. Yum.
It’s Friday!! (nuff said!)
I finally got paid from editing those videos last month (it took nearly a month, and I got $1250.00. Momma made BANK, baby! I’m using some for Christmas and saving $400 to make up for the additional expense when rent goes up in January when the roomie moves out. Fiscal responsibility FTW!
I’ve had 2 weeks off from the PT job—its been nice to have a break. But starting Saturday I work 5 days there in the next 7. Money, come to momma!
I’m in a ridiculously good mood. I don’t know why. I’m not going to fight it, just embrace it. My co-worker said that must mean I have a new guy in my life. LOL, NOPE! I’m done tying my happiness to a relationship or another person. My happiness comes from me.
I got my package for the Virtual Christmas Story 5k run. I plan on doing that on my treadmill tomorrow since its going to be 15 degrees.
I need to finish Christmas shopping-in particular for my Tumblr Secret Santa (and start it for everyone else. Whoops!)